


We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto

by WinglessBeasty



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Caught in the Act, Character Study, Dancing, F/M, Humor, Jealousy, Mild Language, Post-Endgame, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2213913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinglessBeasty/pseuds/WinglessBeasty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back on Earth..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What is this life

She stared at her reflection, her new uniform, the pips, the lines on her face and the bones that now protruded on her face slightly, lacking the cushioned, elastic skin she had when she'd left earth.

Ostensibly, this was a new beginning for her, a chance to start fresh, bring her knowledge to the table whilst finally having time to relax and enjoy simple pleasures in life. She'd had a bath almost every day, gone to shows and operatic performances, visited art galleries and famous restaurants, even got her hair done, and she was growing tired of the new frivolities of her life much faster than she should be.

Admiralty, albeit in its infancy- stuck in debriefing stages of her return, had kept her fairly busy, and fairly bored. It was not what she had been expecting, deep down. She'd made some fairly risky decisions during their voyage, taken some dangerous roads sometimes despite direct counsel to the contrary.

A true welcome to the former Maquis and otherworldly crew had not been expected entirely either. She thought there would be more backlash, some resistance to the acceptance of her full crew. She was prepared to do battle on her return, despite the words that had been promised, but there was no great fight, just acceptance. She was moved, but it all seemed..so serene, so easy. She wondered, in horror if this was a little disappointing for her. What kind of masochist would want that kind of struggle for her, for her crew?

'They would still need me' a small voice whispered, disgusting her at the very thought. Everyone had got what they desired- either reassignment with a nice promotion, or an honourable discharge with a hefty severance pay. She took a large gulp from the coffee which stood on her kitchen side just next to her, and tried to focus on happier things, things to be grateful for.

Her mother and sister had been so wonderful, and of this she'd never doubted. On their reunion, they had given her so much love, she'd cried from the familiarity, the contact that she'd gone without for so long. It was almost too much, too emotional for her and she broke so severely when being held by her mother, years of uncertainty and solitude streaming from her.

Afterward she'd tried to regain her composure, retain the cool and collected exterior of a leader, a warrior. But it was impossible in that instance of seeing them for the first time in years and Kathryn was grateful for the privacy she was given with her family during this time. She was gradually more open and candid around them, could afford to be more loving and expressive; this was soothing to her if nothing else. And there was coffee. Coffee of all flavours, roasts and depths.

Her mind drifted as she began her journey to HQ, she had met with Mark a few days ago, he'd requested a coffee date with her and she'd nearly cancelled but understood his need for closure.

He behaved as she expected he would, apologising for not waiting, telling her how hard it was to move on but that he was happy. Kathryn set the tone, not allowing it to be awkward, enabling an easy camaraderie as they spoke and laughed about things no deeper than surface level.

His predictability sharply came to an end during his goodbye to her. He drew her in much closer than that of a friend, it was a lovers embrace, his hands confidently grazing areas she was so certain he would avoid as he whispered into her ear that she was even more beautiful than his memory of her. That he would take her home and claim her body right now if things were different, like those passionate days of the past. That he missed her, despite his contentment in his new life and would never forget the time they spent together. He withdrew as quickly as he had pounced and her disbelief was her own to deal with as she watched him walk away. Her reaction to his behaviour was slow, at first shock and heat at the intimate touches and breath on her ear as he spoke softly to her.

Despite having moved past this man a long time ago he had evoked a response in her, it had been years since she had been treated like a sexual being, whether it was welcomed or not. It massaged her ego, too in some perverse way, she supposed. To have a man tell her she is beautiful, attractive- not that her confidence was low, but that in her position no one would normally dare grab her and exclaim their want. Not hearing these things, feeling these things has an effect on a person after a certain amount of time. This unexpected act left her shaken, blushing and embarrassed, which quickly gave way to anger.

'He has no right!' If he hadn't of left so abruptly, she would have lashed out at him for sure. She pulled on sunglasses, cursed under her breath at him and exited as quickly as possible, glancing about to see if anyone had been watching.

No one had noticed.

...

Later, alone in her bed as she desperately tried to relieve an ongoing frustration that Mark had most certainly not started but his actions had definitely rekindled, she truly became angry at herself, sobbing through a rough, forced climax before throwing anything in her reach to the opposite wall of her bedroom, the words escaping her mouth so coarse she barely recognised her own trembling voice.


	2. Reverie

Kathryn let her head fall back on the seat of her private shuttle. After a few days to ponder Mark, a few days of anger, she realised that it wasn't him she was cross with at all. Her years of solitude, frustration and loneliness were her doing, and she'd had good cause.

Should she have slept with a homicidal maniac from Devore space? No, of course not. And should she have kept up a relationship with a man that was built from brainwashed lies? Absolutely not. What about her XO? The big question. Did she handle it right? Pushing him so far from her that he likely didn't even know how she felt during the last few years. Probably not. But her reasons, they were solid. They were for her crew. She became what she had to be for their good, for their safety, and it had been worthwhile, in the end.

But what of now? She was no longer unable to pursue a relationship should she desire to and it was time to stop living in the past, chasing thrills and danger, putting all emphasis on being in control. She must let go of the pain, sadness and those she had to push away and find a balance in life. The weeks of reports and analysis of voyagers journey were at a close now, her and the command crew would now only be used as advisors from here on out. New post, new challenges..if only there would be a new ship.

It struck her suddenly that she had not said goodbye to voyager, as she had done the crew.

'Mr Fitch, could you please make a detour to carrier 12a please?'

'Certainly ma'am'

She winced.

....

Making one final tour of the ship, The admiral finally stepped onto the bridge. She looked around the empty space and blinked back tears that refused to stop forming. Breathing deeply, fingers tracing, she murmured soothing words to the ship, words of praise, of gratitude, perhaps even love as she sat at her chair.

'It was one hell of a ride old girl'. A smile formed

'Be good to your next captain, maybe you'll have better luck this time around'.

She stood and closed her eyes for a few moments. Remembering the hum that was now absent. When opening them again, her chin lifted and she turned on her heel.

She was exiting the carrier when a familiar voice carried over to her.

'Captain!'

'Tom?' She was elated.

He rushed toward her and looked as if he would bear hug her for a moment, before eying the pips on her collar and grinning widely.

'Admiral, excuse me, I had heard'

He reached out his hand and she took it with both of hers.

'What are you doing here? I though you and B'Elanna were moving to the coast?'

'We are' he replied cheerfully. 'They made me an offer I couldn't refuse' They began to walk together toward her shuttle.

'Starfleet?'

'Who else! You are now looking at the first officer of the intrepid-class USS Voyager.' He looked proud and smug. Kathryn's smile was the broadest he'd ever seen.

'That is wonderful Tom, I'm so happy for you. And a little terrified, too. What does B'Elanna have to say about this?'

'That there's no way I'm getting on that ship without her. They offered her chief of security but she flat out refused, told them she'd be chief engineer or nothing, including the new XO'.

Kathryn laughed, bright eyed.

'No one knows those systems and hardware better than she, they are very lucky she is on board'.

'Its only a week long mission. Supposedly, of course.'

She nodded, suddenly overwhelmed. Her ship, her crew..

'And the new Captain?' she enquired.

'I'm on my way to meet him now, actually.'

'It's a him!? Well I'm not sure Voyager will like that much!' They joked and laughed together as they walked to the shuttle where Tom hitched a ride with the admiral to HQ.

...

Kathryn plunged head first into her work, feeling rejuvenated from immersing herself in worthwhile tasks. Co-ordinating and running teams and tasks for exploration had been more satisfying than she had imagined it would be, although she longed for the excitement of travel.

Guest speaking at lectures at the academy and being actively involved in talks on an interstellar level meant that she met new and interesting people almost every day. She took short trips wherever possible, serving as an advisor or an ambassador of sorts, spectator more than commander, but it was enough to quench her insatiable drive to move.

She made an effort to visit her old crew, her family and began dating. Her efforts slowly helped her to regain tranquility and normality, feel more rounded with less rough edges than she'd had in the last few years. It wasn't perfect, but she was finding some peace. 


	3. The cat came back

One year after their return, a party was organised for the crew by Neelix and Starfleet. It was a huge affair with family, friends and the whole company invited, black tie, sit down dinner, she had never seen anything like it before, or dressed up for an occasion so happily.

She wore dark blue velvet bodice, accentuating her breasts and hugging her at the middle before splaying out like a mermaids dress at the bottom. She draped black lace over her bare shoulders and wore her hair up in messy curls with long sapphire drop earrings.

Her date, a lecturer at the academy, had visibly gasped when her saw her, shocked at the regal, sensual beauty she exuded so obviously, a rare treat in this strong, career driven woman almost constantly in uniform. She laughed at his reaction and told him he looked very dashing in his tuxedo, and when he walked in front of her to open her shuttle door she marvelled at his tall, muscular frame, his dark features and large, skilled hands.

This one had stuck for some time now. He was intelligent and passionate, gentle and kind. He reminded her of him. She had considered calling it a day when she realised she would sometimes pretend it was him in the dark, but he was persistent in pursuing her and did not ask for much in return and so they continued in an unhurried, non-pressured fashion for quite some time.

Entering the ballroom was the most unexpected, overwhelming and touching moments she'd ever experienced on earth. Members of the crew saw her entrance and began a slow clap. She smiled, bowed and waved them to stop, to no avail. The entire room joined in and the slow clap became a raucous applause, with whistles and squeals as she stood with her date at the top of the stairs, with tears in her eyes and coy smiles.

She made her way down to the floor, feeling although it was suddenly too much. Her date clenched her hand in support, sensing her discomfort until they had reached the floor and she emotionally greeted her old command team.

Tuvok smiling made her want to cry with joy, Tom and B'Elanna embraced her ferociously, Harry hugged her like a long missed child would hug his mother, and then suddenly became self conscious, as if he thought she might admonish him. She laughed and cupped his cheek 'dear boy'. Hugging and smiling and greeting so many of her crew, she felt so deliciously complete.

On seeing Seven on the outskirts of the group, looking slightly uncomfortable, Kathryn immediately went to her, grasping her hands and kissing her cheek.

'Admiral. You look like a fairy tale queen. The good kind.'

She smiled at the woman's obvious awkwardness and thanked her.

'Where is Chakotey, Seven? Please tell me he has come, I see so many of his crew with us this evening.'

'I-' she stated hesitantly. 'I do not know the details of Captain Chakotey's whereabouts, admiral.' She leaned in to Kathryn somewhat and lowered her voice. 

'We are not romantically involved, we were not compatible.'

Kathryn was shocked, although she chose not to convey it. She had never asked the others, just assumed they were together after the display she had witnessed at their arrival to earth.

Her stomach flipped slightly, the smallest waver, noticed to only Tuvok, and she carried on through the crowd.

Owen Paris greeted her with open arms as she approached the bar, whisky tinging his breath and his cheeks. He was proud of what he considered his progeny and introduced her to his wife, who she had met so many years ago as a cadet.

It was during this candid chat that Kathryn noticed him, far off in the crowd. Another stomach flip, sweaty palms. Eyes locked on one another and she faltered in her conversation slightly, not wanting to break her silent greeting to her old friend that she had missed so dearly.

Feeling guilty, she suddenly remembered her date and looked about for him. He had disappeared into the crowd. She looked back to where Chakotey had stood to find that he had too vanished.

Disappointment overwhelmed her as she excused herself to find him, wanting so badly to reconnect. As she attempted to search, people stopped her along the way, she was polite and pressed on, it took so much time to cross the room.

Tuvok watched from a distance, understood her need and went to her. Asking for a moment alone and guiding her to the gardens where he knew Chakotey stood to gain composure. She was surprised at first but quickly realised what Tuvok had meant to do as he stood at the open doors with her and spoke.

'Admiral. There is approximately 25 minutes remaining until guests shall be seated for dinner. Your absence during this time would not be considered rude to anyone who knows you well. I shall attend to your guest.'

He turned and picked up two champagne glasses, and nodded towards the doors to the garden, inviting her to walk outside.

'Thank you, old friend.' She surprised him with a kiss on the cheek before taking the glasses and stepping out into the the cool summer night.

Kathryn couldn't see him and felt panicked, perhaps he had left? Why would he distance himself this way? Was he unsure that she would be happy for his new command of Voyager? She had always assumed that it was his relationship with Seven that kept him away, feeling awkward with so many things left unsaid between the two of them. It would be a lie to say that their apparent relationship hadn't caused her pain, his happiness was paramount to her, but she couldn't help but feel that their chance to finally explore their relationship was scuppered by this unforeseen turn of events.

Kathryn assumed he was far past this point with her now, she had pushed him too hard, too often and the damage was done. So why his distance now? Seven had implied that it never really even got started properly- or maybe she was reading into her words incorrectly.

Becoming frustrated, the admiral stopped her search. She had given him his space up until now, what was another year?

She bowed her head in a quiet sigh, admonished herself for being so childish to hope for a reunion with a man that had so expertly avoided her for months. For being so thoughtless to her poor, unsuspecting date, who was probably wondering where she was. For the people she'd escaped to come out here.

'What a mess' she said quietly.

'You look stunning, admiral'

She whirled around so quickly she nearly tumbled over her dress, he caught her by the arm, steadying her with smiling eyes. He was secretly pleased he was able to sneak up on her, on having this slight advantage on their meeting for the first time in so long when she looked so devastatingly beautiful.

She was smiling almost goofily, she couldn't help herself and reined it in slightly, while they regarded one another in silence for a time, taking in the subtle differences in their features.

'Chakotey'

He looked at her lips and a small wave of uncertainty hit her as he drew his face to hers. Her eyes grew larger and her smile faded for a quick moment as he looked into her eyes, before turning his head slightly and kissing her cheek. At the last moment. Softly, slowly, taking in her scent and enjoying the closeness of her. The tension was incredibly thick as Kathryn fluttered her eyes downward and drew back her head, offering him a now almost empty champagne glass.

'There was more..' She whispered with a smile. 'I think my dress was thirsty'.

She looked down, his eyes followed and lingering for a moment longer than they should have, her dress now sported splashes showing from her right leg up to her right breast. Flicking his eyes to her face and away in an instant, his obvious discomfort not lost on her as he offered her a bright white handkerchief.

'I'm sorry I startled you, admiral. I haven't interrupted anything have I?'

'I was looking for you, actually' she breathed with a smile as she dabbed at her dress and he looked anywhere but at her body.

'Its very..busy inside, would you like to sit out here for a while?'

Kathryn gave him his handkerchief back and smiled at his suggestion.

'I'd love to Captain'.


	4. The great unknown

They spoke of his new assignment, their old ship which now belonged to him. She spoke of her relief that he had taken the promotion and ship, knowing he wouldn't find it silly at all that she wanted her old vessel in good hands. Hands she trusted.

He spoke of the strangeness he first felt, which now had now mostly become so natural. But that he could still see her belongings in his ready room, quarters; still feel her presence on the bridge and conference room. He spoke of the pain of the loss of what felt like his family, and the joy that some of the crew had refused other assignments and joined him on the ship. The new crew that were constantly asking questions about the delta quadrant.

They were silent for a time, both heart sore for what was lost to them both.

'Are you happy, Kathryn?'

His question had startled her, she'd not considered it for so long, really. She looked at him, resolving to answer as honestly as possible. 

'I'm calmer. Freer.' She looked down then before continuing.  
'I miss the ship, the crew, even now I sometimes wake and I am unhappy that I'm not in my quarters.' She smiled sadly at him.  
'But I'm useful, I'm busy and I'm mostly happy.' She paused, thoughtful. 'Definitely less kamikaze!' 

They both laughed at this, an almost private joke, the only two people on the planet who knew just how close to the edge she had been, at times. And then, quietly-

'I miss you, Chakotey'.

That was it, too much for him. He hadn't expected it, couldn't control his emotions from those four little words he never dreamed she'd utter. He stood and faced away from her. She was surprised at his withdrawal, and silently cursed herself, although she was unsure why. She stood too and reached out.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.'

He lowered his head and turned to her slowly.

'It didn't last long with Seven'

She was taken aback, embarrassed at his words. Why was he saying this in response to her admitting missing him? She studied the grass intently. 

'I'm sorry' was all she could think to say.

He lifted his head, almost in disbelief.

'You're sorry? Were you happy for us Kathryn? Did you hope it would work out?' His tone had changed somewhat, he was angry, yet controlled.

She was confused. Her eyes flicked up to his, becoming defiant.

'What do you expect me to say, Chakotey? You seemed happy- wouldn't I want that for you?'

He was obviously pained and began to pace.

'She was a distraction, it was unfair to her. She was always kind to me.. open. I used her and I felt terrible'

Kathryn was beginning to understand what he was saying on a deeper level. His feelings toward her hadn't changed. Just like hers for him, they had lingered, tainting everything that came close to them. 

But he was being unfair to her now. She was hurt when he moved on to pursue a relationship with Seven, despite her being happy for him that he had found some joy. She struggled now in this heated moment to maintain her openness to him, refusing to withdraw and shut him out, which was the only familiar response she had to him, with no real contact during the time she had experienced as Kathryn, and not just as captain. For years everything had been bottled and archived, the threat that she may spill too much on opening up tore at her, but not as much as her desire to resolve this. To attempt to move on.

'Am I supposed to be flattered? You jump into the arms of a woman who is the closest thing I have to a daughter. A beautiful woman who could have given you everything I couldn't. I overcame my feelings for your sake! For hers!'

'Your feelings!' His head shook. 'The great unknown! I could understand your need to put the ship first, the crew, the goal of getting home.' He stalked toward her ever so slightly and she was taken aback. 

'I appreciated your position, how it was necessary to maintain professionalism. Remain unbiased. I respected that. But you pushed me so far away from you, you couldn't even bring yourself to be honest with me. One conversation, Kathryn! That's all it would've taken. I'd have waited a thousand years for you if I'd had any idea of what was going on in your head.'

He was now impossibly close, her stomach fluttered, he was intense, wound tight like a caged animal. He was right, she realised. She knew she had handled it wrong before they'd even had this conversation. She could plead that it broke her heart to step back from him, that she didn't have the courage to face him and be honest in those days where composure and control were everything. That she feared what it would bring, admittance could lead to defeat- pointless, stupid, she should have trusted him. And now here they were, any hope of skirting around the issue and moving on gracefully firmly out of the window. 

Standing here now, he reminded her of the man she had first met, this fierce creature with hungry eyes. It was a part of him she deeply desired, she had often imagined his passion, fantasised about how it would translate, sexually, even though his general demeanour had calmed over time. She knew it lay just beneath the surface, always nearby and threatening to rage forward as it did in this moment.

He saw her emotions, the regret, something else.. Desire! Could he be wrong? He studied her- dilated pupils, flushed cheeks, glances to his lips and her tongue wetting her own. And that look. He had never seen it before. It compelled him surge forward and grab her forcefully, both dropping their glasses to the floor. Her eyes flickered with more of the same as she allowed his grasp and tilted her head back slightly, lips parted. She looked wanton, glorious. 

She was captivated by him, unable to drag her gaze from his dark, glittering eyes that searched her face.

They both moved forward at once, their lips touching. Their control, lasting all but a moment hung delicately as they looked at each other closely, checking that it was ok to proceed. This gentle connection gave way to a sigh and a moan of lust as they both deepened the kiss, he ran his hands up her sides, one slipping into her hair, the other at her waist, gaining confidence to reach around and squeeze her behind. Hers were more bold and went straight to his backside, pulling him to her, massaging and grabbing..

'Admiral?'

They tore apart like school children, caught behind a bus shelter, trying desperately to straighten themselves and calm their breathing.

'Ah, captain I thought I'd find you out here!' The jovial voice of Tom Paris danced its merry way over. 

There was a time where this scenario- him discovering them- would've been the worst case possible. But now, it was a relief. It wasn't another admiral, captain, family member or date. There was no doubt he had witnessed their undoing. Just as there was no doubt of his approval.

'Well it's great to see you kids finally made some time for each other. Everyone is sitting down for dinner and people were beginning to look for you, admiral. Tuvok asked me to come and get you, he's been preoccupied with your friend'

Realisation dawned. Her date! Now she was embarrassed, caught in a passionate embrace with her former XO by her former Lieutenant, whilst her former chief of security kept her date entertained and out of the way. She kept her composure, smoothing her dress and lifting her chin. 

'Thank you Tom.' She turned to Chakotey.

'Captain'. 

'Admiral'

One nod to them both and a secretive wink to Chakotey and she was off inside. 

They both watched her enter the ballroom. Tom turned to Chakotey, beaming.

'Not a word, commander'.


	5. Be cool

The dinner was a great success, Neelix's absence was now well understood by the entire crew, he was clearly getting stuck into the preparations. Leola root was a prominent component, along with various other Klingon, Vulcan, Talaxian and Bajoran ingredients. There were a number of traditional Earth dishes too, but everyone who had been on Voyager for all those years ate only Neelix's speciality foods, knowing that he would be watching what came back into the kitchen from their table. It was an unplanned, mass tribute of sorts from them to him, to their journey and to his efforts during it and after, in the form of this grand anniversary event. 

For two particular people, the dinner was enjoyable but a little strained. They tried their hardest not to look too long at one another, which, of course, seemed somewhat awkward as they had been sat together. Their thighs grazed at one point and Chakotey wondered if she had done it intentionally once he had gotten over his sudden coughing fit. Her blush told him that perhaps it was by accident after all. 

This very subtly odd behaviour was observed by B'Elanna early on in the feast, so too was her husband's reaction to it.

'Alright, spill' she hissed to him so quietly that no one could hear.

'What?' 

'You know very well what, Tom. I saw you go outside and watched the Admiral come in, followed by you and Chakotey.'

'So?' He retorted with his best nonchalant tone.

'So now they can't even make eye contact. Its taken them months to finally speak to each other again, I was hoping they'd figure things out'

'What you're thinking?' he replied in a sly tone

'They-'

He cut her off 

'Think about the exact opposite of that'

Her eyes widened as she regarded him.

'Bullshit'

He raised his eyebrows, smiling and nodding. B'Elannas mouth formed an 'o' as she stared at Chakotey and then at Kathryn. 

'B' Tom whispered and she quickly looked away. When she glanced at Chakotey again with a grin on her face, he gave her a stern glance and turned back to his conversation with Tuvok.

Kathryn had seen this exchange and pretended she hadn't, willing herself not to react and for the meal to finish soon so that they weren't all in such close proximity. She knew B'Elanna would figure it out, and if she didn't Tom would surely tell her, but there were a few more crew members that would notice if this went on too much longer. Her date too, who was being wonderfully attentive and charming, was by no means stupid and she suspected that he had sensed an odd atmosphere, even if he played dumb to it. She needed a few minutes to collect herself, a chance to get that mask on that she had practiced so well in her years of command. Kathryn knew that this momentous occasion deserved to be truly appreciated, and resolved to cool down and enjoy this precious time with her long lost, disparate family 

She stood and excused herself. Chakotey and her date, one on either side of her, both stood. Good god.

'Old habits..' Chakotey said hurriedly as Kathryn looked at him quizzically and her date looked on, bemused. 

Beating the now slightly awkward, standing Captain to the gentlemanly task of pulling out Kathryn's chair for her, her date kissed her cheek as she stepped out. Chakotey had sat and for or a split second, his face was thunder in response to the intimate gesture in front of him, although his expression quickly returned to a nice calm facade. 

Harry had glanced in Chakotey's direction at just the right time to see his tension and looked toward the direction of it. His brow creased. Was his new Captain angry at his former Captains date? His attention was turned to Tom and B'Elanna, who were distinctly trying to suppress their grins. He looked at Tom and furrowed his brow nodding almost imperceptibly toward Chakotey and then toward the Admiral's date with a silent question. Tom understood, years of practice of unspoken bridge conversations on their side, and shot back a 'what do you think?' look. Harry looked at Chakotey, who was now watching Kathryn's exit to the toilet. Harry's face imitated that of B'Elanna's only a few minutes ago.

'No way!' He exclaimed, loud enough for Chakotey to hear before suddenly becoming very interested in his food, feeling his Captains eyes on him, refusing to look up. 

Several other crew members noticed the outburst, Chakotey now glaring at Harry and were thoroughly puzzled. The Captain quietly set down his utensils, excused himself with a forced smile and walked toward the bar. Tuvok followed suit, having watched the last few minutes worth of exchanges between everyone, and concluding that Chakotey may need some support.

'I take it that you're aware of what took place outside this evening?' Asked Chakotey, knowing it was Tuvok that approached without even turning around.

'I did not attempt to speculate, Captain. I am merely here to raise a drink with my comrade in memory of the journey we took together. To toast our good fortune and good health.'

'Cheers' Chakotey clinked glasses with Tuvok, understanding his very subtle message. This day was about celebration.

Chakotey cancelled his second triple whisky and turned to him with calm reverence.

'Thank you, dear friend.'

Tuvok nodded in reply and they both returned to the table, noting Kathryn had also returned, looking more relaxed, obviously her trip to the ladies had given her the time she needed to regroup.

The rest of dinner went smoothly, no glares, no discomfort. They spoke of good times and bad as the wine and laughter flowed as easy as the breeze outside. Tuvok noted that everyone seemed remarkably relaxed once the Captain and the Admiral had composed themselves. He marvelled at how ignorantly perceptive humans could be.

The band began to play once dessert and coffees had been sent out and eaten. Kathryn's date leant in closely to her.

'A little fresh air?'

She nodded, knowing immediately that he was aware something had happened between her and Chakotey. She knew he would be calm about it, in a way it was a testament to how fragile their relationship was. It was most certainly orchestrated that way by her, but she was grateful that he wasn't visibly hurt and wouldn't cause a scene.

Outside, he pulled her close.

'The reason you've always been just out of reach' he said softly with a sad smile.

'Bill-'

'It's alright Kathryn' he reassured her. 'It's been wonderful, you truly are an absolute pleasure to spend time with.'

She mirrored his sad smile now.

'Another time, another place' she whispered as he nodded at her. 

'He's a lucky man' he replied before drawing her in for a goodbye kiss. 'I wish you all the luck in the world, Kathryn.'

And with that, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't help myself. I love the crew reaction stuff it makes me giggle. Maybe a bit more in the next chapter before I let them get it on in peace? Should I make it easy for them now or throw a curveball in?


	6. Dance, kid

Kathryn stayed outside for a moment, enjoying the gentle breeze outdoors. It was one of the many things she didn't know that she missed until returning to Earth- holodeck reproduction of atmospheres were damn close, but not a thing like the original. Moonlight now shone on the gardens and she had a view much better than at dusk. She thought back to that moment in wonder. She'd kissed him. Passionately. It was much more intense than she'd ever imagined it would be, she smiled when she realised that if Tom hadn't appeared when he did, there would've probably been much more to see than hers and Chakotey's hands on each others backsides. Visions of him pressing her up against the outer wall of the building flashed through her mind, she shook her head at the fantasy and the adolescent-type excitement they brought. They would resume their conversation tonight, no doubt, but they would enjoy this night with their crew first. Kathryn headed inside, knowing that if she stayed out here too long he'd come looking for her.

When she entered the ballroom, alone, Chakotey let out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding. He didn't want to crowd her, or try resume where they'd left off in front of Starfleet in its entirety. He didn't keep his distance, either. He went back to behaving exactly how they used to, perhaps a touch more flirting than they had indulged in during the early days of their friendship, but nothing more. He wanted to enjoy this time with friends, to celebrate the moment that they had worked towards as one for so long. 

Both Kathryn and Chakotey made it round the room, reconnecting with those they hadn't seen for so long, occasionally meeting each other on their rounds and sharing conversations and laughs as they went.

Neelix finally joined them, much to the delight of Naomi, who claimed the first dance of the evening. Tom and B'Elanna followed, Harry and the beautiful ensign Kara, who had been flirting all night soon joined in and pair by pair most now migrated to the dance floor. 

Kathryn was stood by the bar, watching with delight as her old crew twirled and swayed to the swing band, taking in the joy emanating from those she had stranded, taken responsibility for and ultimately saved. It gave her such pleasure to see those she cared so deeply for enjoy themselves, normally cloaked in protocol and now in wild abandonment. While considering another glass of white, she felt a hand on her arm, and spun around with a beaming smile for the person she assumed had approached her. It wasn't who she was expecting at all- she recognised him but his name was escaped her.

'Admiral, would you like to dance?'

He was a very handsome man, tall and lean with bright green eyes and dark skin. She smiled at her fortune tonight, it seemed that men were indeed just like public shuttles.

'I'm sorry-' 

'Jack' he interjected.

Jack Magner. The incredibly charming Captain of the Dutchess, a civilian ship that often lent a hand to Starfleet. She realised that they had met last month through Bill at a dinner party. He'd flirted with her all night and her date had only watched, which was by far more unsettling than Jack's behaviour had been.

'Jack! Of course, forgive me'

'It would be the greatest of honours, Kathryn. One little dance?' He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively and she laughed in response. Her eyes darted about her to find Chakotey, he was no where to be seen - she'd hoped he'd have noticed, then come and intervene. But studying him now, with his over exaggerations and crooked smile, full of fun and hopefulness, she decided to accept.

'Why not, Jack?'

Together they slid to the dance floor. He took no time in leading, grabbing, spinning and ducking her with ease. She felt elated, full of fun, enjoying the sensation of someone else thoroughly in charge. 

As he dipped her once more she caught sight of him, looking at her subversively. He turned away, feigning disinterest. Kathryn felt a little challenged and stepped up her flirtatiousness with Jack, guiding his hands ever so slightly lower. Not enough to cause trouble but sufficient to retain Chakotey's stare for a few seconds more. She swayed her hips ever so more seductively and purposely avoided the eyes of the man who now could no longer pretend not to care. 

She could've given a very accurate count down of Chakotey's interruption, she thought, as he tapped Jack on the shoulder with an innocent 'may I?' He slipped in between the two so deftly that Jack had no time to interject, pulling her to him and smiling like the cat who got the cream. 

'You don't play fair Admiral' he whispered into her ear. 'Where is your date?'

'Oh, he's bringing the car around' she breathed back mischievously.

His feet slowed and his expression sobered for a moment before she smiled and cocked her head and he visibly relaxed.

'Ask a ridiculous question..' she replied to his look of admonishment.

'How did he take it?'

'He ended it, actually. No fight, no argument. It seems it is not only tonight that I have been..preoccupied.' 

Her last word was accentuated, seductive in nature. He gazed at her for a long moment and drew her closer, leaning again to her ear.

'I'll show you the true meaning of preoccupied if we ever make it out of here, Kathryn.' She burst out laughing as Chakotey upped the tempo of their dancing. 

Many of their friends were smiling at them throughout their dance, noticing the way they danced close, maintained eye contact, laughed and looked at one another as if they were the only two in the room. They were no means inappropriate, but it was a surprise to no one when they left together with waves and nods directed toward those who who said goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter coming up. I haven't written it yet but I think it's about time I let them eat that cake they've been lugging around the universe.


	7. Crescendo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit harder to write. Oh the exquisite pressure of writing their first time! Earns the M rating here, so please be aware - it's not as explicit as it could be but it's most definitely not for minors.

The private shuttle designated to Kathryn pulled up promptly outside after the two had retrieved their coats and they both slipped into the back seat. 

'How about a coffee, Captain?'

'I'd love one, Admiral.'

Kathryn asked the driver politely to take them to her residence. They were silent for the journey, very aware that they were not yet alone. Chakotey's hand found hers in quiet acknowledgment, neither of them so much as turned their head to the contact, both staring ahead, quietly anticipating the impending refuge of Kathryn's abode.

...

A very well constructed, reinforced, slightly dented and patched up dam had been broken earlier that day. While the ebb had been slowed out of necessity to protect that which was sacred to them, there was nothing that could prevent the flow that now poured forth. As soon her the door to her home clicked shut, they confronted it head on.

They faced each other, locked into a fixed stare that bore so deep and so absolutely that both found it difficult to breathe evenly. Kathryn moved, yet eye contact was maintained by both until Chakotey realised that she was taking off her clothes. His feet were rooted to the floor, his arms like stone by his side. He licked his lips and watched her.

Peeling off her coat and bolero, kicking off her shoes, she paused for a moment and took in his soundless deliberation. Slowly she reached behind her, pulled down her zip, and pushed down on the material which fell down around her feet like an endless blue puddle. Chakotey followed her dress as it made its way down her body, exposing her skin and the delicate black lace that decorated it. He was shocked at his discoveries, first the strapless bra, almost transparent. Her nipples were hard and the darker skin there was easily seen. Suspenders held up sheer stockings and surrounded french knickers, that sat neatly around her like a second skin. He exhaled slowly, purposely, fighting for control, blood now rushing around his body furiously at the sight of the woman before him, compelling him to move.

She stood waiting for him to break. She wanted to push him to lose control, using her forthright striptease to coerce him into action. Her chest rose and fell as she braced herself for him, eyes sparkling with desire and apprehension, daring him to take her where she stood.

He took off his jacket and threw it to the side as he stalked toward her, grasped her by the hips and pushed her backward until her body connected with the wall. She spread her legs wider so he could step between them, but he surprised her by picking her up and wrapping her around him while she grabbed at his shoulders to support herself on him. One of his hands snaked up her body and touched her breast lightly, as the other stroked her cheek, his breath mingling with hers. She was in ecstasy, tingling from his feather like touches, delicious pressure building from where they were joined and rocked ever so slightly. He brought his fingers up to trace her lips and she caught his index finger inside her mouth, circling her tongue around it and watching his captivation. 

Foreheads touched moments before lips met, both shaking at the erotic nature they were observing in one another. It was dream like and unreal, this sensual, raw act with a friend understood so deeply and yet unknown so completely in the art of sex.

Their tongues traced each other, dancing to the rhythm of their undulating bodies. Soft gasps from her fuelled him further, he pulled down her bra with desperate force and replaced it with his mouth. Her head fell back against the wall and as she opened her eyes, she caught their reflection in the hall mirror. It was the most primal, sensual thing she'd ever witnessed. She moaned and he moved a hand down to where she ached the most, looking into her eyes as he touched her in the most intimate manner. When she felt the beginnings over her orgasm build she strained to whisper -

'please don't stop'

He watched her most private moment intently; white light blinded her vision, she lost all coherent thought and shuddered with a soft cry out to him. He kissed and nipped her on her neck as she came down.

When she had recovered he let her carefully to the floor. 

'If you don't show me the way to your bedroom soon, we'll be making love here against the wall' he murmured to her. She smiled at him with an eyebrow raised, remembering her fantasy from earlier that day. 

'Follow me, Captain'

...

They'd made it into the bedroom but not into the bed when Kathryn laid her hand on his chest, signalling him to remain still. She leant forward and kissed him, trailing from his mouth to his neck and over to his ear. As she removed his shirt and tie she purred that she wanted to see all of him and his breath hitched at her throaty words. 

She hooked her hands into his belt and lowered herself to her knees, undoing his belt and fly and lowering his trousers to the floor. He kicked them off with his shoes. She looked up at him and licked her lips before pulling down his boxers and slowly looking down. Her face was now next to him and the sight was almost too much for Chakotey, reality now so shrouded in fantasy that he closed his eyes and dared not open them again for a few moments.

He felt her hands and soft mouth cover him and inhaled sharply, hands in her hair, ever so slightly thrusting into her. When he felt his climax begin he pulled away, lifted her up and on to the bed, peeling underwear from her as she lay back, smiling at his trembling hands.

She came undone for him again and again when he attended to her with tongue and fingers; back arching, small gasps, keening, clenching. Unable to resist any longer he slinked over her and caught her wrists in his hands, pinning them to the bed. Her eyes snapped open, full of abandoned desire and silently watched him take her. 

The look on each other's faces when he pushed inside her was burned into their memories. It was exquisite. They stayed in the moment, allowing her to adjust to him before moving. The height of pleasure for both of them was unlike anything that had come before it. Any hopes of slow and gentle were long gone as he drove into her, thrusting hard and fast, both crying out and coming hard, holding onto one another for dear life. The intensity rendered them breathless. Chakotey collapsed to her side and dragged her over him, whispering words of love and tracing lines over her body until they both fell asleep.

...

By morning, the two were exhausted, having come together several times throughout the night. In the daylight they showered together, taking it in turns to wash each other's bodies after slow, loving sex, upright in the water, bodies now sore from their rigorous love making.

They dressed and ate breakfast together- and act that they were very familiar with, but not in the context of lovers. Chakotey chewed on his food with a small smile on his face, which Kathryn returned with puzzlement.

'You could come with me'

'I'm not sure Starfleet would approve. It would probably be a little less stressful than what I'm used to, though. The Captains lover. Could you imagine the crew!'

'They'd be terrified. Two bosses on board, in cahoots with each other' he smiled at her and winked. He cleared his throat, obviously a little nervous about his next question but maintained his composure all the same. 

'I'll be back in three days for two nights. I was thinking I would rent a shuttle and go sleep under the stars for a night. Would you come with me, Kathryn?'

She cocked her head, very taken with his almost formal date request.

'I'd love to Chakotey'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was my first go and I had an absolute blast. I'll probably do it again. Always late to the party! :)


End file.
